This isn’t what you think. It isn’t a guide to growing older gracefully. It isn’t an article about how to stave off the onslaught of crows planting their wee little footprints all over your face, or what you can do to shore up your bosom thereby preventing a landslide down to the equatorial expanse formerly known as your “waistline”. It won’t tell you when you can expect the end of the hot flashes that send you flying outdoors without a jacket in the middle of a blinding snowstorm or where that “spare tire” so firmly encircling your middle latitudes came from. There won’t even be a hint of who all those ancient ones at your high school reunion are. (Okay, here’s a hint….they’re not your teachers; your teachers are all probably deceased by now.)
Nope. This is none of those things. This . . . is C.R.S.
C.R.S. and a trip to the grocery store.
C.R.S. and a trip to the grocery store and me.
Happens every time. I get to the store. I park my car, carefully centering it between the painted lines, and I’m heading for the entrance when it hits.
The Who (not the rock band)
Who is that woman waving at me from across the parking lot? I don’t recognize her at all. Oh, my gosh, she’s coming this way!!! Maybe if I walk real fast I can get inside and hide in the baby food aisle so she won’t be able to tell that I don’t know her from Adam—I mean Eve!
What did I come to the store for? I wrote a list, but I don’t have it now. I know it was something really important or I wouldn’t have written it down. Maybe if I run through all the alphabet letters in my head I’ll remember. Let’s see . . . A…B…C…D………E………
When did the store get so huge? I won’t be able to find anything in here, it’s just like a great, big ol’ barn! I’m lost!! I want my Mommy!!! Okay, just calm down. Breathe, breathe…good. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, alphabet…..F….G……H……..I…J…..K……..L…Lord, I sure hope I don’t bump into that woman from the parking lot.
Where the heck is my damn shopping list?! You’re not supposed to shop without a list. A list helps prevent unnecessary impulse buying like that senior health magazine I picked up last week with the article on improving your memory as you get older. I can’t remember the name of it, but it seemed to help me a lot. Um….ahem….Where was I? Alphabet!! Got it! Right……M…N…..O………P……… Pureed spinach?! Huh?!
Why in the hell am I standing in the middle of the baby food aisle? My baby days are over and I have the hot flashes to prove it! Q?…T?….W?!….XYZ??!! Oh, crap!! I think I see her!! Nope, false alarm! Whew, that was close!
How come I came to the store anyway? I don’t have a list so I guess it wasn’t that important. If I really needed something, surely I’d remember to bring a list! Anyway, I think it’s safe to leave now. I’ll just make my way back to the car and then I can . . .
“Oh, hi!! I’m fine, how are you?!” Happens every time.
Thoughts on aging, me, and C.R.S.:
I Hate Getting Old, But It’s Better Than The Alternative . . .
Old age ain’t for sissies . . .
I may get old, but I refuse to grow up!
And last, but not least,….
Who was that woman?!!!!
Have a great day, and always remember